I used to be a believer in love. That sappy, exciting, in-love love between a man and a woman, the love every woman secretly pines for, no matter how level headed she seems. The fairy tale love that sparks jealousy in your enemies and friends alike. The Cinderella shit.
I believed being in love would be like those stories. That my Prince Charming would bravely and tirelessly defend our magical love from all who meant to undo us and I would swoon, then sweep the floor with help of talking birds and mice. We'd marry and I'd be Mrs. Charming and birth a couple little Charmings and live happily ever after in my shiny white castle.
Then I grew up.
A girl has to get her heart broken a few times before she learns that fairy tales don't exist and love isn't what she wanted it to be. No castle, no prince, no magic.
Don't get me wrong, there was no lack of suitors. I turned down two marriage proposals before my seventeenth birthday and accepted a third, but never followed through on it. Same as the three after that. Accepted, never happened for one reason or another.
They asked for the wrong reasons. I wasn't going to settle for less than happily ever after, and nobody was offering that. I always told myself I'd only walk down that aisle one time, and I wasn't about to waste that on someone who wasn't worthy or didn't have the same intentions as I did.
I always thought marriage was more than a piece of paper and jewelry. It's a promise. A status. The next and final step in a relationship. It's the foundation on which a family is built. Without it, a relationship is nothing more than a fling, a temporary situation with no structure or commitment. It's just "Hey, let's hang out together for an extended while".
Marriage means to me that you love me enough to wanna do this for the rest of your life, period. Nobody else, no getting bored, just us. But guys aren't up for that anymore. There's too many other possibilities out there to want to be tied to one chick.
But on the same note; a guy will expect a girl to be totally his. He'll get mad at her if another dude hits on her, but he refuses to change her name and put a ring on her finger to deter said other dudes. Like, you're not giving me much to go on here.
Guys will hit on me. That's just how you men are. And when I say "No thanks, I've got a boyfriend", a dude will say, "SO? You ain't married, so you're still fair game". It takes twice the effort on my part to reject a guy with the "boyfriend" status. And seriously; I'm too old for a BOYfriend. I should be a WIFE at this stage in my life, not a girlfriend!
But men these days don't need a piece of paper to prove their love... It costs too much... Bullshit. A marriage license costs $40 in the state of New York. You're telling me I'm not worth forty fucking dollars?! But you can blow that much money on booze in one sitting. I am officially worth less to you than booze. (Or whatever you're blowing your money on) -Thanks.
It was a tough pill to swallow, I'm still getting over it. Still grieving for the white shiny castle. But at least I know where I stand. I have a friend who I love very much, and we might hang out for a few more years together, who knows. He's keeping me company for now, that's all I need to know.
I used to be so naive. So full of hope for my future. I'm glad that girl is gone. She was too easily broken. Now I can be told right to my face that I'm unworthy and unloved and I'll still smile. I don't need it. I love me, I don't need anyone else to. Life is better that way. I no longer have to depend on someone else to love me, I can do it my damn self!
Moral of the story: love yourself, just in case nobody else wants to. <3 anyway="" better="" br="" can="" do="" it="" you="">
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