Not the Girl I Used to Be

I used to be a believer in love. That sappy, exciting, in-love love between a man and a woman, the love every woman secretly pines for, no matter how level headed she seems. The fairy tale love that sparks jealousy in your enemies and friends alike. The Cinderella shit.

I believed being in love would be like those stories. That my Prince Charming would bravely and tirelessly defend our magical love from all who meant to undo us and I would swoon, then sweep the floor with help of talking birds and mice. We'd marry and I'd be Mrs. Charming and birth a couple little Charmings and live happily ever after in my shiny white castle.

Then I grew up.

A girl has to get her heart broken a few times before she learns that fairy tales don't exist and love isn't what she wanted it to be. No castle, no prince, no magic.

Don't get me wrong, there was no lack of suitors. I turned down two marriage proposals before my seventeenth birthday and accepted a third, but never followed through on it. Same as the three after that. Accepted, never happened for one reason or another.

They asked for the wrong reasons. I wasn't going to settle for less than happily ever after, and nobody was offering that. I always told myself I'd only walk down that aisle one time, and I wasn't about to waste that on someone who wasn't worthy or didn't have the same intentions as I did.

I always thought marriage was more than a piece of paper and jewelry. It's a promise. A status. The next and final step in a relationship. It's the foundation on which a family is built. Without it, a relationship is nothing more than a fling, a temporary situation with no structure or commitment. It's just "Hey, let's hang out together for an extended while".

Marriage means to me that you love me enough to wanna do this for the rest of your life, period. Nobody else, no getting bored, just us. But guys aren't up for that anymore. There's too many other possibilities out there to want to be tied to one chick.

But on the same note; a guy will expect a girl to be totally his. He'll get mad at her if another dude hits on her, but he refuses to change her name and put a ring on her finger to deter said other dudes. Like, you're not giving me much to go on here.

Guys will hit on me. That's just how you men are. And when I say "No thanks, I've got a boyfriend", a dude will say, "SO? You ain't married, so you're still fair game". It takes twice the effort on my part to reject a guy with the "boyfriend" status. And seriously; I'm too old for a BOYfriend. I should be a WIFE at this stage in my life, not a girlfriend!

But men these days don't need a piece of paper to prove their love... It costs too much... Bullshit. A marriage license costs $40 in the state of New York. You're telling me I'm not worth forty fucking dollars?! But you can blow that much money on booze in one sitting. I am officially worth less to you than booze. (Or whatever you're blowing your money on) -Thanks.

It was a tough pill to swallow, I'm still getting over it. Still grieving for the white shiny castle. But at least I know where I stand. I have a friend who I love very much, and we might hang out for a few more years together, who knows. He's keeping me company for now, that's all I need to know.

I used to be so naive. So full of hope for my future. I'm glad that girl is gone. She was too easily broken. Now I can be told right to my face that I'm unworthy and unloved and I'll still smile. I don't need it. I love me, I don't need anyone else to. Life is better that way. I no longer have to depend on someone else to love me, I can do it my damn self!

Moral of the story: love yourself, just in case nobody else wants to. <3 anyway="" better="" br="" can="" do="" it="" you="">

Stoned Mom

The subject of marijuana use is increasingly less taboo in recent years. The truth about the plant is finally being heard as science works diligently to set it free of its legal and social binds. Weed is finally hitting the headlines instead of just the police blotters and public opinion is beginning to sway toward acceptance of the peaceful plant and its many uses.

Some states have given the plant the green light for medicinal purposes and a handful have okayed it for recreational use too. A few years ago I never thought I'd see it legalized in my life time, let alone sold in legitimate shops behind shiny glass cases.

However, despite all the science that has proven all the wonderful benefits of marijuana to be true and disproved ALL negative myths, using it while pregnant remains a big no-no. Studies of women using marijuana during pregnancy are defunded when its discovered there's no bad news to report. It's a little comical, considering cannabis has been used by pretty much everyone since the beginning of time until the 1970's and yet here's the human race, still thriving and shit.

One pot smoking mother shares her experiences with pregnancy...

My first pregnancy was completely clean. No smoke, no booze, no cigs, no drugs, no hot dogs, no stretching, no horses, etc etc. I behaved the entire 38.5 weeks I carried my son, not a single substance a pregnant woman isn't supposed to use, and it was torture! But all so worth it for a healthy baby, I thought. That was well over a decade ago, back when weed was definitely a horrible drug that would send a good girl spiraling into addiction and despair.
For the majority of my first and second trimesters I felt too nauseous to leave my bed. I'd get up, put on pants, have to lie back down. Get up, puke, lie back down. Migraines were more frequent and I became deeply depressed.
My third trimester was Hell on Earth. The nausea finally subsided but the pain was unbearable. I carried all my babies heavily on my spine. I was weak and unhealthy. Eating less and gaining weight. Handicapped by crippling pains from my midsection, down. I'd walk ten steps then get light headed and have to stop. Take another ten steps and my heart raced and in another five, my vision temporarily went out. Dizzy and completely blind, I'd stumble, round and heavy, to the floor to catch my senses.
Labor was long, but went okay. My son seemed healthy enough. All the major things turned out right; ten fingers, ten toes, one head. No life threatening illnesses or genetic defects. Success! But before he was a year old I was holding him down a couple times a day to administer breathing treatments. Years down the road he was diagnosed with asthma, then severe allergies. He struggled with learning to read and showed signs of behavioral issues at school.
But wait! I behaved!!
My second pregnancy was worse than the first one. I was fifty pounds heavier, to start with, and the same old problems resurfaced, one by one. I gave in to my extreme discomfort and smoked some weed to ease the sickness and pain. Not every day, but as often as I could afford to indulge. I did put on a lot of weight, but the pregnancy went a little smoother than the first.
My daughter was healthy as a horse. She's never been hospitalized, rarely catches cold, has never had the flu or anything worse than a cold, actually. Her eyes itch with the change in seasons, just like mine do, and she's lactose intolerant like I am, but all-in-all, she's in perfect health. She excels at school, learned to read by the end of kindergarten, and hit every single milestone months ahead of her peers.
My third pregnancy was the easiest by far. I smoked marijuana every day. No depression, nausea in check, only a handful of black-outs and my weight was under control. My back still ached, but you can't win at everything. My youngest may be a physicist some day. Speaking in full sentences before she was two and a half, has a better memory than I do and aside from inherited asthma from her father, healthy and strong.
But wait, I misbehaved!!

There are stories like this one everywhere. How many people have said their kid was defective because they smoked too much weed? Probably not many. And I highly doubt the validity of those that do.

Have a look at this, http://www.november.org/stayinfo/breaking06/DreherStudy.html

7 Signs of a Cheater

The internet has opened up all kinds of devious possibilities. You can shop online, work online, break the law online, find love online, you can even cheat on your girlfriend online. With cell phones and the internet and cell phones with internet, keeping in touch with people is easier than ever and apparently it's just too easy to resist reaching out and touching someone, digitally.

There's dozens of apps out there for finding and contacting folks. And they all offer options like delete selected messages or hide browsing history. They have passwords to deter nosey girlfriends from snooping. Nobody has to use their own name or face. How convenient it all is!

You've got your Facebook connected to your Messenger, and your Messenger connected to your iPhone and your iPhone connected to your watch, and you're connected, constantly.

A guy could have eight girlfriends and twenty five side bitches, all without his wife ever knowing about it.

He could, but here's a couple things that should tip you off, if he is. 'Cuz nobody wants to be the fool who finds out last.


1.  You never see his cell phone

You know for a fact he has one, it exists for sure, but you never actually see the thing in person. You have no clue who's in his contacts list, no idea what apps he has installed. Hell, he could have your number saved under "Stanky Sea Creature" for all you know. He's real careful that you'll never find out.

If it's in his hand, he's careful to turn it to such an angle that there's no possible way you can read over his shoulder. And when it's not in his hand, it's tucked away safe in his pocket. He sleeps with it under his pillow, he takes it with him when he showers. That thing is never left unattended. If you try to touch it, he acts sketchy.

He no doubt uses the delete message function, but there's always a possibility his side bitches are going to message him and he doesn't want you to be the one to answer.

2. He doesn't do pics

Some people are ugly enough to warrant some understanding that they don't want their picture exposed to the possibility of becoming a hilarious meme passed around the World Wide Web for eternity.  But when he's a 9/10 and not Amish or afraid a camera will steal his soul, and still extremely camera shy, there may be another reason.

He may be okay with doing selfies but if you manage to snap a pic of him and his face is def identifiable, and you want to put that on Facebook and Instagram under the title "my man", there's a problem. He has to appear available, don't ya know. You're cock blocking his Facebook game, bitch.

3. No tags allowed

Ever try to tag him in something only for the tag to disappear? That would show up on his page and blow his cover, dude, and that's a no-no when you're an online playa.

4. Hidden relationship

Check out his "About" section. Are you mentioned on there at all? Is he even "in a relationship"? Is there anything listed there at all or is the whole thing hidden? Anything less than "in a relationship" with your name after it listed on there and one of those red flags should be popping out of the page right now and slapping you in your face.

5. Your phone is his phone

He's super secretive about his phone but he'll take any opportunity to snag yours and check out who you've been talking to. If your phone lights up, he'll be the first to lean over and see who's texting you, just to make sure you're not as scuzzy as he is. 

6. Marriage is not a goal

Maybe it was at some point in your relationship, maybe it's nothing you're interested in either. But if you've invested years in this guy and you're still waiting on a ring or even the subject to come up just once, it could be another red flag.

'Cuz cheating on a girlfriend isn't as morally horrible as cheating on a wife. And if he's got some skanks on the side he's obviously not interested in being tied to you in any legally binding way. Monogamy is for chumps anyway.

7. He suggests you're the unfaithful

A big fat clue that your guy isn't entirely yours can come from his very own mouth and he doesn't even realize it.  If he has something to say every time you wear makeup or put any effort into looking attractive, beware. 

If he's suggesting you're cheating, or attempting to cheat, it's because in his mind that's just what people do, because that's what he does. The game is trying to catch you at it. Because then he of course knew all along that you were the hoe and therefore he is totally justified in doing it too and more importantly, off the hook. 

Honest and loyal are an extremely rare find these days. If you've got it; don't fuck up. You won't get so lucky twice. The odds are stacked high against us poor idiots cursed with a conscience. 

Pushers (used to) Get Pushed

The bully epidemic of recent years is being handled so poorly it makes me wish stupidity was a crime. Misdemeanor at the very least.

I was watching a Stephen King movie, "Storm of the Century", one day and a line in a scene early in the movie really screams -this movie was made in the 1990's. The way the world works now is very different, you'd never see a scene like this in real life past 1999.

It went like this; a little boy pushed another kid, and the adult grabs hold of the little brat, looks him in the eye and tells him don't push people because "pushers get pushed back," and you wouldn't like that, would you?

That's the difference. Back then we weren't afraid to push back.

Seems to me like society is demonizing the pusher and victimizing the pushed and taking these roles way too far. When you're talking about kids, that's really horrifying!

Schools boast zero tolerance on bullies, throwing kids out of school over simple altercations, even filing criminal charges, against kids. A bully is still a kid! Why is nobody offering these kids some counseling?  A happy, well cared for child doesn't go to school and mistreat their peers.

If a child is being abused at home then goes to school and pushes other kids, most likely not knowing it's unacceptable because their life at home is violent, they don't know any different. And if the police are involved, what happens to this kid? Their outlook on life changes, they're a criminal now.

Forget an education, son, it's more important that you're locked away so those "good" kids can get the education they deserve.

And so much WORSE, is how we treat the kid who got pushed. You're coddling the kid now, but who will take care of the mess of an adult you've created after school is over? A kid needs to know how to take care of themselves!!! THAT is your job as a parent, to teach this tiny person you made how to survive in this life.

If you always feed him fish, he will starve when you can no longer do the fishing. But if you teach him to fish, he can feed you both when you are too old to fish. A child is a blank canvas. They only learn what you teach them.

You poor darling little victim, please, please don't kill yourself because you had a bad day.

My son was bullied for years. One day on the playground a kid walked up and kicked my baby boy right in the eye, for digging in the sand. I, of course, was feeling murderous. The school promised to separate the two. But they didn't. The little monster was not switched to another class, was not moved to the other side of the playground, or the lunch table. The only action the school took was sending both my son and his bully home for the remainder of that day. Zero tolerance, my ass.

I told my son the same I tell all of my kids; don't ever start a fight, but if someone else does, you better finish it. Mama's always got your back, my boy.

Stop victimizing your kids, people. It's not okay to be mean, but it's not okay to accept others being mean to you either. It's sickening that so many kids are taking their lives so young these days. To think they really have nothing important enough in their lives to keep them out of that dark place in their minds. Don't teach your kids to be weak!

My suggestion for both bullies and bullied is find them a hobby. Something they enjoy, that will engage their minds and satisfy their human need for social interaction. Something they can take pride in, make friends with similar interests, and make them feel they are a part of something. Be it sports, art, music, anything to occupy the time they may otherwise use trolling the internet or cutting their wrists for lack of better things to do with their day.

And for fuck sake, tell your kids to stop taking everything so damn personally. Not everybody is going to like you, not everyone will want to be your friend, and that's okay! Teach your kids they don't NEED the approval of absolutely everyone they meet. A few good friends is all a person needs. Quality over quantity!

Don't turn them into attention seeking little snots who can't handle criticism. (Think about an adult with this quality, because someday your kid will be one). Show them that yes, words can hurt, but only if you let them! And there's a big difference between hearing unkind words from a loved one and from someone whose opinion just shouldn't matter to you.

So what if you don't like me? I don't need you to,
and frankly, I don't like you either.

 We weren't built to get along with everyone. Some personalities just clash, no matter what kind of effort you put into getting along, it's never going to work. And that's okay!

No reason to make a big deal of it.

Malone man's crazy opinion on welfare

I just found this opinion piece published on a local news site that made me shake my head. "Put me in charge of welfare", says Malone man. Already I'm chuckling because Malone is like the Detroit of Upstate New York. Main street is dotted with rows of dark, abandoned shops. Many locals travel on foot for lack of faster transportation and jobs are scarce down town.

Detroit Suburb

Most of these buildings on Main St are empty

More folks in prison than in church

Thank heavens we have a man with all the answers though! John Crump of Malone urges the Editor of North Country Now to appoint him the king of welfare.

Friday, April 1, 2016 - 6:22 am 

To the Editor:

Put me in charge of food stamps.

First thing I'd do is get rid of SNAP cards. No cash for Ding Dongs, Ho Ho's or snickety snacks of any kind. Just vouchers for 50-pound bags of rice or beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you could haul away.

If you want steak and pizza, then get a job.

 Well there's your first mistake, Crump. I don't believe the editor of the local rag has that power.

Bravo on the well planned food rations. A person can't survive forever on government issue bulk processed cheese flavored food dried beans and powdered milk. That's just begging for a weekly trip to the doctor. But the poor will probably die off pretty quickly on this diet anyway, so .

But Crump goes on...

Put me in charge of Medicaid.

The first thing I'd do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal legations. Then test all the recipients in the family for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine.
If you want to reproduce, use drugs, swill alcohol, or smoke then get a job.

 Oh how perfect; he's got the medicaid angle covered too. So when Crump is king of welfare the poor will all be sterilized by force and sober as a priest. The confusing part of his rules is that the majority of those on welfare do have jobs, often more than one. Employers just don't pay enough to survive on.

Most employers around here will hire their entire staff as part time to avoid paying for insurance and pay minimum wage, cutting hours as low as four hours a week. So those with jobs often can't afford medical insurance either let alone pizza and steak.

Crump goes on;

You will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a government job. This job may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, working on a farm to provide food for welfare recipients or whatever else we find for you.

Welfare recipients already have to do mandatory volunteer work or similar activities like skills training. They volunteer at the local food pantries or clean public buildings.

He also wants to sell off the poor's posessions. Apparently all us poor folks own fancy tires and loud stereos. Well, we do have a loud stereo, but I'll tell you what, Crump, that stereo was a gift (and about 30 years old) and the speakers were mostly salvaged from scrap yards. Go ahead and try to sell it, and enjoy your hard earned $5.

Crump wants to punish the poor for their terrible life mistakes and try to teach them a concentration camp style lesson. Work hard for your slave rations or starve.

His last two points really concern me. "...while you are on government assistance, you cannot receive an income tax return."

Um, excuse me? If I worked within the last fiscal year you bet your ass I'm claiming my return. Like I said, the majority of welfare recipients actually HAVE A JOB. And with all the lay-offs, a lot of people recently had jobs.

And his final royal decree being that while receiving government assistance you, American citizen, voluntarily renounce your right to vote.

"Yes, that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of interest."

Oh, wow.

However, nowhere in his letter has Mr. Crump shared his qualifications for the job of being in charge of welfare.

Gotta love people who believe every meme they find on Facebook. LOL

Marijuana Activists Toke up at White House

A group of activists gathered outside the White House Saturday afternoon. Armed with lighters and bongs and sweet ganja, they packed their pipes, rolled their doobies, and sparked up in protest of Obama's slack-offery on ending the prohibition of marijuana. (See here for story).

Angry pot heads march on Washington D.C.

Protesters want President Obama to reclassify marijuana, to which Obama responds; go ask congress. Protesters response: we're going to get baked in your front yard. na-na-na-boo-boo. (Not a verbatim quote)

The event, dubbed #Reschedule4/20, was aimed at pushing President Obama and Congress to reclassify marijuana by proving that using it is not dangerous. Organized by D.C. Cannabis Campaign (DCMJ), using a group on Facebook, invited folks to show up and spark up in unison at 4:20 pm on April 2nd. On their Facebook page the group challenges Presidential candidates as well as our current commander in chief to step up and do away with the failed prohibition on a federal level.

Legalizing cannabis has been a hot topic in recent years as science has been repeatedly proving the plant's usefulness in medicine and disproving fears of addiction, insanity and lawlessness stemming from the Reefer Madness smear campaign of the 1930's.

A little dramatic, don't ya think?

As of February last year it is lawful to possess up to two ounces of weed in our nation's capitol, but it's still illegal to smoke it in public. The local police were there, catching a free buzz, but no arrests were made. Although present, police "were very respectful," says protest organizer Adam Eidinger. However, the secret service put out their giant inflatable joint idea due to security concerns. (Bummer, man).

But will it work? One concern is the affect a park full of stoners emitting a hot cloud of smoky happiness will have on the sober folks walking by, sober folks who may vote against the cause after catching an unsolicited contact high.

Tom Angell, founder of Marijuana Majority, another marijuana advocacy group, feels filling the park with marijuana smoke sends the wrong message to voters. “Smoking in a public park where families and children are vacationing is not going to be the way to encourage the president or member of Congress to do what we need them to do,” said Angell. 

 If the road to change is paved with paperwork, perhaps these well-meaning activists just rolled up their reputation and smoked it. On the other hand though, maybe a few of those men with the pens caught a whiff of it in the air that day. And maybe they relaxed just a little and enjoyed it.

#GetInOnThis - Look up your local representative and give them a call. They will listen and every voice counts.

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