So I came across this video today...
And poked around, did some reading for myself.
Looks like BPA (that chemical found in plastics and many other products) is altering our hormones, (Specifically; sex hormones), among other things. This study has shown female rats exposed to BPA (in any amount) permanently affected their reproductive hormones. The exposed rats experienced early puberty and abnormal ovulation. Humans are similarly affected.
More studies have linked BPA exposure to diabetes, miscarriages, cancers, altered behavior such as hyperactivity, decrease in maternal behavior, downs syndrome, and the list continues.
This study claims to have found a disturbing change in the brains of the rats exposed to BPA;
"an area in the hypothalamus called the sexually dimorphic nucleus of the
preoptic area (SDN-POA), which plays a role in regulating sexual
behavior and has been proposed, in humans, to be important for determining sexual orientation."
Did you catch that last part? BPA affects the part of the brain that determines sexual orientation. They also studied the behavior of the affected rats and found that the gender differences were reversed, in both the females and the males. In essence; BPA made these rats gay. (Science fiction stuff, right? Nope. Just science).
And the US government is about the last place on Earth that hasn't banned it yet.
That shouldn't surprise me I guess. It's no secret that the world is nearing over population to the point that Earth can no longer sustain us. (Did you think they are so interested in Mars because it's pretty?) National Geographic magazine dedicated a whole year of articles to food and how we plan to grow enough of it to feed the growing population.
So it would make sense that our government might want to encourage a decrease in births. To, you know, keep us citizens at manageable numbers. The least invasive way to do that is turn mens' eyes to one another instead of toward women with fertile wombs, and vice-versa.
I started to notice years ago that homosexuality seemed to be on the rise. Don't get me wrong, that's not a judgement, only an observation. I suspected it had something to do with our growing population but I never thought the phenomenon was deliberate. (I mean, that's really weird, right?)
I'm not really sure how to feel about the government actively making us gay. (Or at the very least allowing it). Like; wasn't it my right to be attracted to the opposite sex? Does it matter in the long run, as long as love still exists?
Maybe something similar to this happened in Sodom and Gomorrah?
Kinda makes China's one baby rule look sort of fair, huh? At least they were in on it.
Thoughts?
Thanks, L. for the conversation. Stimulating, as always.
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Travel List - vol. 1 - Agartha
I hate to be cold, with a passion. BUT... At the poles may lie an entrance to the center of the Earth; Agartha. And I'm dying to investigate.
The hollow Earth theory isn't a new one. You may have heard of Jules Verne, his sci-fi novel "Journey to the Center of the Earth", or at least seen the Brendan Fraser movie. He's not the only one though, many others have touched on the theory, as far back as the ancient Greeks, who believed the underworld was the realm of Hades and the dead.
Other religions have similar ideas about the center of the Earth, as I'm sure you are well aware. The Christians have Hell, the Jewish Sheol, Buddhist Shamballa, the Celts, the Iroquois, the list goes on. Some even believe the fabled garden of Eden may have actually been inside the Earth. (Makes sense to me, it is a place we haven't had access to. Maybe there's more to the biblical eviction story than we think). It's also thought that the Arctic could have once been green and inhabited, but that is a story for another day.
But ancient theology aside; there's more recent accounts of guys who claim to have actually been there. They were hushed pretty quickly of course. One was suicided, the other lost. A journal survived though.
My curiosity is way out of control on this one. I have so many questions! What does it look like? It's said there's a sun, how does that work? Is Hell down there? Is the sun Hell? Are the seven layers of Hell part of the journey in there?
Who lives down there? Gods? Aliens? Angels? Devils?
Is it the garden of Eden the bible speaks of? Is it heaven? Shangri-La? Nirvana? Why the secrecy?
How did people who had no business knowing anything about it have knowledge of this? Jules Verne for example; had he been there? Was his novel in fact nonfiction?
Why is it such a secret? Why is the military guarding it so heavily?
What about other planets? Could this explain why planets in our solar system appear uninhabited? Could they be living on the inside?
There are caves and other believed entrances scattered around the globe. Perhaps one of these was the cave Leonardo DaVinci supposedly disappeared into for a couple years in his youth?
Have any thoughts to add? Please comment!
The hollow Earth theory isn't a new one. You may have heard of Jules Verne, his sci-fi novel "Journey to the Center of the Earth", or at least seen the Brendan Fraser movie. He's not the only one though, many others have touched on the theory, as far back as the ancient Greeks, who believed the underworld was the realm of Hades and the dead.
Other religions have similar ideas about the center of the Earth, as I'm sure you are well aware. The Christians have Hell, the Jewish Sheol, Buddhist Shamballa, the Celts, the Iroquois, the list goes on. Some even believe the fabled garden of Eden may have actually been inside the Earth. (Makes sense to me, it is a place we haven't had access to. Maybe there's more to the biblical eviction story than we think). It's also thought that the Arctic could have once been green and inhabited, but that is a story for another day.
But ancient theology aside; there's more recent accounts of guys who claim to have actually been there. They were hushed pretty quickly of course. One was suicided, the other lost. A journal survived though.
My curiosity is way out of control on this one. I have so many questions! What does it look like? It's said there's a sun, how does that work? Is Hell down there? Is the sun Hell? Are the seven layers of Hell part of the journey in there?
Who lives down there? Gods? Aliens? Angels? Devils?
Is it the garden of Eden the bible speaks of? Is it heaven? Shangri-La? Nirvana? Why the secrecy?
How did people who had no business knowing anything about it have knowledge of this? Jules Verne for example; had he been there? Was his novel in fact nonfiction?
Why is it such a secret? Why is the military guarding it so heavily?
What about other planets? Could this explain why planets in our solar system appear uninhabited? Could they be living on the inside?
There are caves and other believed entrances scattered around the globe. Perhaps one of these was the cave Leonardo DaVinci supposedly disappeared into for a couple years in his youth?
Have any thoughts to add? Please comment!
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Tapping the Admiral - Corpse-Flavored Rum
If you've never heard the term "tapping the admiral", don't worry, you're not alone. Me neither. The term originates from a pretty bizarre event, which we'll go into in a moment.
First, here's a creepy little story in the form of a meme;
Tales of finding a pickled corpse at the bottom of your barrel of rum are apparently nothing new. These strange and disgusting urban legends were passed around as far back as the 1500's to impart an important moral about not drinking thy neighbors booze or some shit. They were big on morals back in the day.
Lord Horatio Nelson,
a British admiral, was mortally wounded in battle in 1805. A shot to the
gut may not be a death sentence by today's standards but back in
Napoleon's time (who is exactly the guy responsible for this one. Well,
his people anyway) a hole in your entrails meant you're fucked.
Normally when you died at sea back then you'd be whale food, but this guy was the admiral, so his crew felt they should hang onto his corpse. My guess is they feared for their asses when they got back to Britain sans-boss. (In their defense, they did at least win the battle).
Embalming wasn't a thing back then, (they started that nonsense during the American Civil war), so to get him to England without stinking up the ship, his corpse was stuffed in a barrel of brandy.
We all know sailors were filthy drunkards, so when the non-corpsinated booze ran dry, legend says they sucked up their pride and tapped into the admiral's personal stash. Hence, "tapping the admiral" became a thing.
However, a more recent tale of corpse-ale seems to have a little more credibility (according to Snopes), than your run of the mill campfire tale.
According to a Hungarian police magazine website, a construction crew made a killer discovery in the cellar of a large home recently vacated by a deceased widow. I mean; if you found a big old barrel of rum that nobody would miss, you totally wouldn't touch it, right? They say the barrel was too heavy to move, so they drained it. (By which you know I mean they got totally shit faced). They even bottled some for later and said they enjoyed the peculiar flavor.
Upon draining the barrel though, it was still too heavy. So they cut it open, and out fell this marinated naked dude.
Apparently the guy died on vacation in Jamaica and to avoid the costs associated with transporting him overseas the legal way, the woman stuffed him in this barrel of rum and paid for that to be mailed to her. Then she kept her pickled husband in her basement for 20 years, for sentimental reasons, no doubt.
Although the publication was later pulled due to a lack of supporting evidence, it was first picked up by BBC and NBC, who excitedly published before fact checking and later posted a hilarious "oops, it was possibly total bullshit" memo to make up for it.
(I believe it)
It's ok, NBC, shit happens.
If you enjoyed this creepy shit, +1, comment and subscribe for more.
First, here's a creepy little story in the form of a meme;
 |
| You're welcome. |
Tales of finding a pickled corpse at the bottom of your barrel of rum are apparently nothing new. These strange and disgusting urban legends were passed around as far back as the 1500's to impart an important moral about not drinking thy neighbors booze or some shit. They were big on morals back in the day.
 | ||
| So you can put a face to the flavor | . |
Normally when you died at sea back then you'd be whale food, but this guy was the admiral, so his crew felt they should hang onto his corpse. My guess is they feared for their asses when they got back to Britain sans-boss. (In their defense, they did at least win the battle).
Embalming wasn't a thing back then, (they started that nonsense during the American Civil war), so to get him to England without stinking up the ship, his corpse was stuffed in a barrel of brandy.
We all know sailors were filthy drunkards, so when the non-corpsinated booze ran dry, legend says they sucked up their pride and tapped into the admiral's personal stash. Hence, "tapping the admiral" became a thing.
 |
| Fuck it. |
However, a more recent tale of corpse-ale seems to have a little more credibility (according to Snopes), than your run of the mill campfire tale.
According to a Hungarian police magazine website, a construction crew made a killer discovery in the cellar of a large home recently vacated by a deceased widow. I mean; if you found a big old barrel of rum that nobody would miss, you totally wouldn't touch it, right? They say the barrel was too heavy to move, so they drained it. (By which you know I mean they got totally shit faced). They even bottled some for later and said they enjoyed the peculiar flavor.
 |
| Waste not, want not. |
Apparently the guy died on vacation in Jamaica and to avoid the costs associated with transporting him overseas the legal way, the woman stuffed him in this barrel of rum and paid for that to be mailed to her. Then she kept her pickled husband in her basement for 20 years, for sentimental reasons, no doubt.
Although the publication was later pulled due to a lack of supporting evidence, it was first picked up by BBC and NBC, who excitedly published before fact checking and later posted a hilarious "oops, it was possibly total bullshit" memo to make up for it.
(I believe it)
It's ok, NBC, shit happens.
If you enjoyed this creepy shit, +1, comment and subscribe for more.
Thursday, June 9, 2016
Confession - I deleted everyone I know
I recently deleted ALL of my friends from Facebook.
And it's wonderful.
Facebook is how the younger millennials live their lives. Every freaking thing they do is immediately posted to Facebook (and Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, etc). They say nothing is official until it's posted to Facebook. It's awful.
Social media has become this ever present, looming, invasive entity and has taken over modern life. It demands to know "what's on your mind?" every time you open it. It's built into your iPhone, your laptop rolled off the assembly line with it pre-installed. Traditional media is even taking things said on Facebook seriously now, sharing posts and comments on actual news on real television.
It seems nearly every person on the planet who is old enough to read and write has a Facebook account. Every company has a Facebook. Open up your pantry, pull out any name brand product in there. Go on, try the Lucky Charms. Now look on the back of the box, or maybe the bottom of the front panel. See the little blue "f" there? Yup, you can "connect" with your cereal on Facebook. Because just eating it is never enough (anymore).
It's how we communicate, how we share experiences, how we find each other, how we entertain ourselves. How we argue has even moved over to Facebook. I can't remember the last time I argued using actual words, spoken to an actual face. (Oh yeah, it was 25 minutes ago. My two year old is definitely not having candy for breakfast again though).
So after a particular argument, over something as stupid as a stranger "liking" a picture, I deleted my entire friends list except for seven people. I kept my immediate family; the ones I actually like and talk to often, my boyfriend, and a friend who passed away a few years ago. It was a massive purge of crap that I don't need in my life.
It was never personal. I still like the people I deleted, I just don't feel I need to keep up-to-date on what they ate for dinner last night or that their kid just turned 2 months and 4 days old, or who's bored, depressed, mysteriously angry at unnamed, ya know, the useless info that (I feel) should really be shared in person within your close circle, not necessarily with everyone you know.
Of course, they didn't see it that way. It most definitely had to be personal. Deleting a friend from Facebook means you are no longer friends with that person in real life. 'Cuz, who just deletes people for no reason? Who does that?!
Me. Only me.
Damage control from purging my friends list has been a nightmare. I've had to explain over and over again that it was not personal, that everyone got deleted, not just you, and that we are in fact still actual friends, just not on Facebook. I've had to re-friend a few people who were honestly hurt deep down by my action, and no amount of explaining could ever convince them that Facebook doesn't have to be a direct reflection of me or my life. Facebook IS life.
The general opinion that Facebook has taken over as real life is depressing, and some people are still sore that I deleted them (forever from my life, if you ask them), but honestly; I'm glad I did it. When did we become so dependent on social media? This new way of life is so lonely and boring. I miss the days when I could go visit my friends and their faces weren't hovering over a smart phone. Don't get me wrong, I still have friends who visit and (for the most part) keep their attention focused on the here and now, but go out in public, you'll see people connected to something electronic at almost all times.
I've found using Facebook much more enjoyable since I deleted everyone I know. My newsfeed is so uncluttered now. I can see things I'm interested in instead of endless memes about everything from relationships to current events. I now have 20 friends and 52 followers. I still use messenger daily. I still follow the friends who have it enabled on their page. If you don't allow followers- turn it on so I can follow you! I recommend it!
-Legit button to my personal Facebook page.
If you're taking your Facebook relationships too seriously, please for the love of all that is natural and wonderful in this world, stop doing so. It's still just Facebook. Don't let it entirely replace real life. Pick up a phone and call a friend today. Get in your car and go visit your family in person. "Like" your nieces and nephews in real life instead of a video of them playing without you.
Of course distance and funding problems are still a thing, do what you can.
And it's wonderful.
 |
| Fucking glorious, in fact. |
Facebook is how the younger millennials live their lives. Every freaking thing they do is immediately posted to Facebook (and Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, etc). They say nothing is official until it's posted to Facebook. It's awful.
Social media has become this ever present, looming, invasive entity and has taken over modern life. It demands to know "what's on your mind?" every time you open it. It's built into your iPhone, your laptop rolled off the assembly line with it pre-installed. Traditional media is even taking things said on Facebook seriously now, sharing posts and comments on actual news on real television.
 |
| Join Us Or.. |
It seems nearly every person on the planet who is old enough to read and write has a Facebook account. Every company has a Facebook. Open up your pantry, pull out any name brand product in there. Go on, try the Lucky Charms. Now look on the back of the box, or maybe the bottom of the front panel. See the little blue "f" there? Yup, you can "connect" with your cereal on Facebook. Because just eating it is never enough (anymore).
 |
| As Seen On Everything |
It's how we communicate, how we share experiences, how we find each other, how we entertain ourselves. How we argue has even moved over to Facebook. I can't remember the last time I argued using actual words, spoken to an actual face. (Oh yeah, it was 25 minutes ago. My two year old is definitely not having candy for breakfast again though).
So after a particular argument, over something as stupid as a stranger "liking" a picture, I deleted my entire friends list except for seven people. I kept my immediate family; the ones I actually like and talk to often, my boyfriend, and a friend who passed away a few years ago. It was a massive purge of crap that I don't need in my life.
It was never personal. I still like the people I deleted, I just don't feel I need to keep up-to-date on what they ate for dinner last night or that their kid just turned 2 months and 4 days old, or who's bored, depressed, mysteriously angry at unnamed, ya know, the useless info that (I feel) should really be shared in person within your close circle, not necessarily with everyone you know.
Of course, they didn't see it that way. It most definitely had to be personal. Deleting a friend from Facebook means you are no longer friends with that person in real life. 'Cuz, who just deletes people for no reason? Who does that?!
Me. Only me.
 |
| Conclusions are the worst thing to jump to |
Damage control from purging my friends list has been a nightmare. I've had to explain over and over again that it was not personal, that everyone got deleted, not just you, and that we are in fact still actual friends, just not on Facebook. I've had to re-friend a few people who were honestly hurt deep down by my action, and no amount of explaining could ever convince them that Facebook doesn't have to be a direct reflection of me or my life. Facebook IS life.
The general opinion that Facebook has taken over as real life is depressing, and some people are still sore that I deleted them (forever from my life, if you ask them), but honestly; I'm glad I did it. When did we become so dependent on social media? This new way of life is so lonely and boring. I miss the days when I could go visit my friends and their faces weren't hovering over a smart phone. Don't get me wrong, I still have friends who visit and (for the most part) keep their attention focused on the here and now, but go out in public, you'll see people connected to something electronic at almost all times.
I've found using Facebook much more enjoyable since I deleted everyone I know. My newsfeed is so uncluttered now. I can see things I'm interested in instead of endless memes about everything from relationships to current events. I now have 20 friends and 52 followers. I still use messenger daily. I still follow the friends who have it enabled on their page. If you don't allow followers- turn it on so I can follow you! I recommend it!
-Legit button to my personal Facebook page.
If you're taking your Facebook relationships too seriously, please for the love of all that is natural and wonderful in this world, stop doing so. It's still just Facebook. Don't let it entirely replace real life. Pick up a phone and call a friend today. Get in your car and go visit your family in person. "Like" your nieces and nephews in real life instead of a video of them playing without you.
Of course distance and funding problems are still a thing, do what you can.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Poor Not Welcome - Boycott of Saratoga Springs
The town has recently banned sitting or lying on its sidewalks. A shot fired at the homeless, who are an unsightly blemish on the tourist town's public areas, reserved, apparently for paying customers only.
The town claims its homeless and impoverished population has become problematic, blaming "aggressive panhandlers" for endangering the safety of the public.
The ordinance was voted in, 4-1 on Tuesday. Perpetrators will be fined $50 to $100 if they refuse to cease using the sidewalks as a place to sit. They are allowed one warning.
Welcome to 'Murica. Poor not welcome.
Subscribe to my blog =)
Monday, May 30, 2016
Weird Angel Found in Ancient Church
Buried behind centuries old layers of plaster, in a decayed church in Bethlehem, an intriguing discovery was made.
The 1,700 year old Church of the Nativity, built at the supposed site of the birth of Jesus Christ, was in dire disrepair. In 2012 the UN granted the site "endangered World Heritage status", and are funding an urgent restoration by top Italian specialists. A scan of one heavily plastered wall revealed a mystery shape hidden underneath. The restoration crew, chipping away the centuries of layers of plaster, grew emotional as the pristine angel emerged.
The church's other mosaics, which were not hidden, and therefore damaged by a leaky roof, depict the family and apostles of Jesus. The ancient tiles boast of glass, mother-of-pearl, gold leaf and stones.
The opinion seems to be that the purpose of the plaster was to preserve the angel. Odd that they would choose to preserve only that mosaic and not the others. One estimated that only around 20% of the original mosaics remain and only pieces of the 4th century mosaic floor remains, under a false floor and only visible through a small opening.
The angel itself seems a little strange. Is it me,or is it slightly androgynous? I'm unsure if all angels of the time were depicted this way, but this one seems to be. The wing seems broken, or is it perhaps supposed to resemble a meteor, a space craft, or a bomb?
The hand gesture and the look on its face remind me of the five thousandth time I tried to explain something to my kids.
And what the heck is this candy cane shaped white thing behind its head?
Seriously, what the heck is that supposed to be?
And what's the broken arch to the right of the mosaic? That's not there by mistake. It looks as though someone destroyed part of the image, replaced it with a window, just to make absolutely sure that no one could find it, and then concealed the angel, leaving just a taunting little arch fragment to tease us. I wonder what it could have been?
I'm curious to see what else this restoration project reveals. And if the Ancient Aliens guys have heard about this yet?
What do you think?
Comment and let us all know!
And subscribe to my blog, because you like me, and it's a nice thing to do. =)
Thank you, National Geographic, for the article and photos of this amazing find!
A lost angel.
 |
| PHOTOGRAPH BY NASSER NASSER, ASSOCIATED PRESS Obtained from National Geographic |
The 1,700 year old Church of the Nativity, built at the supposed site of the birth of Jesus Christ, was in dire disrepair. In 2012 the UN granted the site "endangered World Heritage status", and are funding an urgent restoration by top Italian specialists. A scan of one heavily plastered wall revealed a mystery shape hidden underneath. The restoration crew, chipping away the centuries of layers of plaster, grew emotional as the pristine angel emerged.
The church's other mosaics, which were not hidden, and therefore damaged by a leaky roof, depict the family and apostles of Jesus. The ancient tiles boast of glass, mother-of-pearl, gold leaf and stones.
The opinion seems to be that the purpose of the plaster was to preserve the angel. Odd that they would choose to preserve only that mosaic and not the others. One estimated that only around 20% of the original mosaics remain and only pieces of the 4th century mosaic floor remains, under a false floor and only visible through a small opening.
 |
| Jees, just walk on it |
The angel itself seems a little strange. Is it me,or is it slightly androgynous? I'm unsure if all angels of the time were depicted this way, but this one seems to be. The wing seems broken, or is it perhaps supposed to resemble a meteor, a space craft, or a bomb?
 |
| Possible interpretation |
The hand gesture and the look on its face remind me of the five thousandth time I tried to explain something to my kids.
 |
| I just don't know how else to say it |
And what the heck is this candy cane shaped white thing behind its head?
 |
| Captain Hook? |
Seriously, what the heck is that supposed to be?
 |
| Stumped. |
And what's the broken arch to the right of the mosaic? That's not there by mistake. It looks as though someone destroyed part of the image, replaced it with a window, just to make absolutely sure that no one could find it, and then concealed the angel, leaving just a taunting little arch fragment to tease us. I wonder what it could have been?
 |
| Mosaic FAIL |
I'm curious to see what else this restoration project reveals. And if the Ancient Aliens guys have heard about this yet?
 |
| @AncientAliens Do a show on this? How about for a scooby snack? |
What do you think?
Comment and let us all know!
And subscribe to my blog, because you like me, and it's a nice thing to do. =)
Thank you, National Geographic, for the article and photos of this amazing find!
Sunday, April 24, 2016
Not the Girl I Used to Be
I used to be a believer in love. That sappy, exciting, in-love love between a man and a woman, the love every woman secretly pines for, no matter how level headed she seems. The fairy tale love that sparks jealousy in your enemies and friends alike. The Cinderella shit.
I believed being in love would be like those stories. That my Prince Charming would bravely and tirelessly defend our magical love from all who meant to undo us and I would swoon, then sweep the floor with help of talking birds and mice. We'd marry and I'd be Mrs. Charming and birth a couple little Charmings and live happily ever after in my shiny white castle.
Then I grew up.
A girl has to get her heart broken a few times before she learns that fairy tales don't exist and love isn't what she wanted it to be. No castle, no prince, no magic.
Don't get me wrong, there was no lack of suitors. I turned down two marriage proposals before my seventeenth birthday and accepted a third, but never followed through on it. Same as the three after that. Accepted, never happened for one reason or another.
They asked for the wrong reasons. I wasn't going to settle for less than happily ever after, and nobody was offering that. I always told myself I'd only walk down that aisle one time, and I wasn't about to waste that on someone who wasn't worthy or didn't have the same intentions as I did.
I always thought marriage was more than a piece of paper and jewelry. It's a promise. A status. The next and final step in a relationship. It's the foundation on which a family is built. Without it, a relationship is nothing more than a fling, a temporary situation with no structure or commitment. It's just "Hey, let's hang out together for an extended while".
Marriage means to me that you love me enough to wanna do this for the rest of your life, period. Nobody else, no getting bored, just us. But guys aren't up for that anymore. There's too many other possibilities out there to want to be tied to one chick.
But on the same note; a guy will expect a girl to be totally his. He'll get mad at her if another dude hits on her, but he refuses to change her name and put a ring on her finger to deter said other dudes. Like, you're not giving me much to go on here.
Guys will hit on me. That's just how you men are. And when I say "No thanks, I've got a boyfriend", a dude will say, "SO? You ain't married, so you're still fair game". It takes twice the effort on my part to reject a guy with the "boyfriend" status. And seriously; I'm too old for a BOYfriend. I should be a WIFE at this stage in my life, not a girlfriend!
But men these days don't need a piece of paper to prove their love... It costs too much... Bullshit. A marriage license costs $40 in the state of New York. You're telling me I'm not worth forty fucking dollars?! But you can blow that much money on booze in one sitting. I am officially worth less to you than booze. (Or whatever you're blowing your money on) -Thanks.
It was a tough pill to swallow, I'm still getting over it. Still grieving for the white shiny castle. But at least I know where I stand. I have a friend who I love very much, and we might hang out for a few more years together, who knows. He's keeping me company for now, that's all I need to know.
I used to be so naive. So full of hope for my future. I'm glad that girl is gone. She was too easily broken. Now I can be told right to my face that I'm unworthy and unloved and I'll still smile. I don't need it. I love me, I don't need anyone else to. Life is better that way. I no longer have to depend on someone else to love me, I can do it my damn self!
Moral of the story: love yourself, just in case nobody else wants to. <3 anyway="" better="" br="" can="" do="" it="" you="">
I believed being in love would be like those stories. That my Prince Charming would bravely and tirelessly defend our magical love from all who meant to undo us and I would swoon, then sweep the floor with help of talking birds and mice. We'd marry and I'd be Mrs. Charming and birth a couple little Charmings and live happily ever after in my shiny white castle.
Then I grew up.
A girl has to get her heart broken a few times before she learns that fairy tales don't exist and love isn't what she wanted it to be. No castle, no prince, no magic.
Don't get me wrong, there was no lack of suitors. I turned down two marriage proposals before my seventeenth birthday and accepted a third, but never followed through on it. Same as the three after that. Accepted, never happened for one reason or another.
They asked for the wrong reasons. I wasn't going to settle for less than happily ever after, and nobody was offering that. I always told myself I'd only walk down that aisle one time, and I wasn't about to waste that on someone who wasn't worthy or didn't have the same intentions as I did.
I always thought marriage was more than a piece of paper and jewelry. It's a promise. A status. The next and final step in a relationship. It's the foundation on which a family is built. Without it, a relationship is nothing more than a fling, a temporary situation with no structure or commitment. It's just "Hey, let's hang out together for an extended while".
Marriage means to me that you love me enough to wanna do this for the rest of your life, period. Nobody else, no getting bored, just us. But guys aren't up for that anymore. There's too many other possibilities out there to want to be tied to one chick.
But on the same note; a guy will expect a girl to be totally his. He'll get mad at her if another dude hits on her, but he refuses to change her name and put a ring on her finger to deter said other dudes. Like, you're not giving me much to go on here.
Guys will hit on me. That's just how you men are. And when I say "No thanks, I've got a boyfriend", a dude will say, "SO? You ain't married, so you're still fair game". It takes twice the effort on my part to reject a guy with the "boyfriend" status. And seriously; I'm too old for a BOYfriend. I should be a WIFE at this stage in my life, not a girlfriend!
But men these days don't need a piece of paper to prove their love... It costs too much... Bullshit. A marriage license costs $40 in the state of New York. You're telling me I'm not worth forty fucking dollars?! But you can blow that much money on booze in one sitting. I am officially worth less to you than booze. (Or whatever you're blowing your money on) -Thanks.
It was a tough pill to swallow, I'm still getting over it. Still grieving for the white shiny castle. But at least I know where I stand. I have a friend who I love very much, and we might hang out for a few more years together, who knows. He's keeping me company for now, that's all I need to know.
I used to be so naive. So full of hope for my future. I'm glad that girl is gone. She was too easily broken. Now I can be told right to my face that I'm unworthy and unloved and I'll still smile. I don't need it. I love me, I don't need anyone else to. Life is better that way. I no longer have to depend on someone else to love me, I can do it my damn self!
Moral of the story: love yourself, just in case nobody else wants to. <3 anyway="" better="" br="" can="" do="" it="" you="">
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